I’ve been going in circles. Both in thought and in steps. A habit familiar to me since my childhood. “You’re thinking in circles” my mother would say to me, watching me contemplate which task to do next while standing in the kitchen, dishes still undone.
Lately, I have been retracing old steps, old patterns in relationships, old versions of selves. Visiting old sites to see if the shoe still fits, going to new ones to try them on for size. Then returning to the old to be sure what I felt was correct or if there were any lessons missed. No stone unturned. Circles are exhausting. They don’t leave much energy for the direction your spirit is moving you towards. Like a car in need of fuel, you burn a lot more going back and forth rather than moving ahead in one direction.
To embody my thoughts and get out of my head, I turned my morning meditation walk into a practice of circles. It is helpful to me to mimic what is happening for me internally in the outside world to give context to my experience. So around and around I went. Circling a plot of trees that witnessed me with patience.
“She’ll figure it out” they said softly with confidence.
I did. When I was tired of doing the same thing over and over again I decided I was done. That’s the thing about circles you just keep going around and around until you decide to exit the cycle.
What in your life feels like a never ending circle? What is a step out you can take?
Happy contemplation, friends.
And you will...figure it out. No doubt. With the help of your mycelium network, of course!
I LOVE how the trees watched you circle and knew you would exit. So lovely and I know it was true, too. I think one of the ways to get out of the circles created by our human-dominated world (and minds) is by seeking nature's wisdom. When I am at my most despairing, nature helps me take the long view. Especially ancient mountains, landscapes, etc. Love your writing and am honored to be a sub, thank you!